Okay folks, (Note to self: What do you mean ‘folks?’ This is basically my public internet diary, you idiot) it’s time to address the “big changes” I’ve referred to in previous postings. Last Friday evening, I went to the Student Union for a meeting with the staff of Akron Sports Now. Mike, the man in charge over there, asked me if I’d like to join as a contributing blogger, and I happily accepted. The purpose of the meeting, for me anyway, was to hammer out a few logistical issues so that I could start contributing. Unfortunately, the meeting was canceled, and, through a comedy of errors (with some of the blame attributable to me, some to others, and the rest to your dick), I wasn’t notified of the cancellation. As I found out whilst milling around in the union, the room was double-booked. Although, maybe a more apt expression in this circumstance might be that the room was “double-manga’d,” as the organization taking precedent was the anime club.
If you, like me, fashion yourself a generally cool, savvy kinda dude, then you’re probably assuming everyone in the anime club is probably lame. You’re right. From the sailor moon getups to the general lack of physical well-being and social know-how displayed by every single person I saw file into the anime club room, it became a decidedly easy decision to declare every stereotype I held about anime kids to be 100% true.
Now, I don’t intend to deride anybody for the decisions they choose to make on how to spend their free time, but I have to say I think the university dropped the ball a little here. Given that American institutions of higher learning generally fashion themselves robustly cosmopolitan, and taking into account Akron’s constant desire to adhere to this standard to prove its standing as a “real University,” you’d think that whoever is in charge of scheduling things takes into account, at least to some extent, the public health implications of what they’re doing. Now, I think it goes without saying that the activities correlative to sports reporting and analysis (i.e., playing sports) generally can be correctly considered healthier than those activities correlative to anime consumption (i.e., having acne).
Before I continue, I’d like to address the fact that the above paragraph is total and utter shit. It’s a bunch convoluted, posturing word-vomit, no doubt about it. Let’s start with the first sentence: “I don’t intend to deride anybody blah blah bullshit.” This statement is obviously not the case. I wrote this post in part to mock anime kids, and it’s dishonest to suggest otherwise. I honestly think that the only thing separating the kids I saw go into the anime club and people who have Asperger syndrome is that aspies can’t help but not pick up on social cues; anime enthuists have nothing to blame but their own bizzare social choices for squawking nonsensical phrases at simple questions like, “how are you?” If I was to suddenly become self-aware in the middle of attending an anime club meeting, I’d probably just give up and transfer to Kent.
All insults aside, that doesn’t even begin to address the real reason the aforementioned word-puke is, in fact, word-puke. In that paragraph, I somehow expect the guy who makes the schedule for the Student Union rooms to be a conscious actor who keeps in mind the broadly enumerated goals of an entire University, which itself probably misleadingly implies that an entire University is even capable of such enumeration in the first place. It’s entirely unfair to attribute any sort of blame to “the University” when, in fact, “the University” actually is comprised of a multi-tiered and layered bureaucracy so dependent on multiple decision-making agents that it can’t possibly be aware of everything it does at once. Further, this doesn’t even begin to address the possibility that the notion that “sports consumption is healthy” is a total crock (see: consumption of junk food, rising stress levels, etc.).
So, I’ve admitted my logic is garbage. This begs the question: Why write something so obviously fallacious in the first place? The answer is this: It defends a narrative that desperately needs defending. Throughout my childhood, I’ve been confronted in t.v. shows, books, and elsewhere, with the notion of the spoiled dumb jock. I imagine, dear reader (Note to self, pt.2: no one reads your blog, you dick. Also, even if someone reads your blog, they haven’t read this post because it’s too long and it’s about I don’t even know what the fuck) that you’ve been exposed to the same. We’ve been confronted in large part with the idea that the quarterback of the highschool football team is a great athlete and a supreme dolt/asshole. I don’t intend to argue that this stereotype is totally untrue. I’m sure it has been the case in at least one instance. Still, this stereotype has probably done some disservice to, firstly, our collective attempts to become athletic, and secondly, (and, perhaps more importantly) our appreciation of athleticism.
(Note to self, pt. 3: this post IS REALLY LONG-WINDED, and you should at least force writing words like “penis” and “ballsack” into your writing if you’re to keep any potential readers interested).
Penis, ballsack, and scrotum. That said, I’d like to call attention to that fact that I am a twenty-something male and, at this point in life, that I can be quite justifiably hedonistic. Perhaps you, dear reader, (see note to self pts 1&2) are in the same boat. You’re cool. You generally mean well, but maybe you still adhere in part to certain stereotypes you feel allowable to people like you, no matter how cosmopolitan and suave you cast yo-self. Admit it: you think instruments like the electric guitar and drumset are cool, and instruments like the clarinet and susophone, maybe not quite so much.
I’m bringing this up because I feel like it was in this spirit that I started writing zippersnstuff. The stated reasons I started this blog were to get myself writing more often and to find an application for my interest in Akron sports. At the core of that, though, is a more simple reason: I started this website for fun. I write how I want here, unapologetically. So, I make fun of Anime kids for being lame, make fun of David Arquette for being infertile, and make fun of Mike Bardo for being Mike Bardo. No matter how insensitive that may seem to do, it takes an honest approach toward what people think is funny. Too often, the idea is advanced that sports jocks have uninteresting or unsubstantial ideas to offer. Zippernstuff existed, at least in part, to argue against that.
A move to ASN means more exposure and a bigger readership, which I’m looking forward to. Still, this short-lived website has had some sentimental value to me, as it was an attempt to sort of go off on my own and make something. As for the future of this blog, I’ll make a post after this one redirecting anybody stumbling here to my posts at ASN, and that’s pretty much it. Mike had said that I can repost everything I write there over here, but I doubt I’ll actually do that.
I’d like to dedicate this last post to everyone who thinks that sports are a more fun and useful way to spend your free time than anime. Thanks for reading. It’s been fun guys.